I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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