I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
