I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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