Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
