she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
