one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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