I am midnight drunk by noon
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
