How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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