I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
