You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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