I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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