i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
