You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
