beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
