i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
