i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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