i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
