Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
