i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
