not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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