My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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