and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
