I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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