Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
