my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
