whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
