I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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