I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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