I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
