She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
