I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
