I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just had sex on a roof
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
