Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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