hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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