I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize