im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
