do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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