I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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