Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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