White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
