Your tits are I can't wait for
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
