Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I want a musical about memes.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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