i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
