I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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