so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Four minutes until I can fart!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
