So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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