just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
