the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
