If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
