I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
