Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
