I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
