I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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