But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
