Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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