I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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