I think my fart just growled at me.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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