Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
