that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
