Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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