It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize