The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize