i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
