Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
