I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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