this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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