google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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