it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
