Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
where am i from again
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
