he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
