I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
