can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
