I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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